Mary-o's Journal

6:17PM - Phew.

It's funny because I know it is pretty much just Leslie, Erin and Shera who read this, maybe not even shera? I dont know if she's friend-ed....and yet I feel like I have to talk generally about my life as to make things vague for those random passer-bys. HOWEVER I am not going to do that anymore. Leslie may be the only one who appreciates my story though because she knows some background.
I went over to Steve's last night- he was all doped up on percocets for his wisdom tooth pain - and we had chats. Chats, in fact, for hours and hours, until 230am.
We chatted and discussed that this is just a fling, but neither of us are good at flings without getting overly attached. Yet we're going to keep it going because neither of us want to stop it, it's really great right now. He told me that if I wasnt going to school he would want more than a fling. I agreed partly, but also expressed that I dont think I could ever be serious with him because of his drug business. He apologized and seemed really disappointed in himself because he knows the drug stuff makes me sad.
We chatted and came to the decision that we respect each other and think we should always say anything to each other, whatever is on our mind, because we're both the kind of people who can take it. I also told him that although I possess many boyish qualities in relationships, I am still an ultra sensitive girl and need to be treated like a delicate flower. Hahaha.
We chatted about my boobs. He cant get over how big they are. I told him to shut up, I am well aware of their disproportionate size. I hate them and want them chopped off. He supports me in that.

We chatted about lots more. By the end of the night, I had to think, I have never felt so satisfied after talking about thoughts and feelings with someone. He said he'd call me today, and would actually call (I told him I hate when he says he will but then doesnt call, because I feel like he's totally disrespecting me).
I'm willing to accept this as a fling, and although I know I may want it to be more as we grow closer, I will always know I could never love him like I loved Emo, and he could never love me like he loved Melissa (we discussed that too.). So I am quite content ...feels good to be at ease with the "let's see where things go" type of relationship.

Current mood: impressed

Current music: Ian's plucking at the damn guitar. STOP IT

11:13PM - eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Lately I have been having those stupid squealing excited "I have a boy who likes me and I like him too" fits in the middle of the day, for no apparent reason. The other day at work I was sitting on the guard chair and realized I was smiling and had let out a little squeak. Kids must think I'm mental. And just now he called me and I went all NUTSO again because that's the third time he's called today, just to 'chat' and make plans. We are doing something ALL DAY Tuesday, which is thrilling considering he's a bum who usually sleeps until 3.
NOW for my dilemna. He's a lowlife, lowlife, lowlife. Hot, sweet as a sonofabitch, but a lowlife. And that is just so shitty. So I feel I shouldn't get attached...but there's no way for me to do that. The squealing fits pretty much signal the demise of a 'harmless summer fling'.
PS LESLIE WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU I HAVE THINGS TO SAY ! AND ASK!

Current mood: bouncy

1:07AM - wishy washy wishy washy

Yah you know it, that's me. It seems that although I haven't posted in what feels like 20 years, I am still the same old 'flip-floppin' Mary I've always been!
I've been all pissed off lately at everything but I never ever mention it to anyone because I don't even know what I'm pissed off about. I got mad today and threw the remote control across the room because the people on a Makeover Story picked hideous outfits....okiiieee...then I laughed at myself because I was scary for a moment in time!
So I kind of forget what to write about in this thing...I feel like I should be charming or witty or something, but I don't wanna be right now! I want to go SHOPPING! YES, THAT IS WHAT I NEED! That shall be the cure-all...now I just have to figure out a way to get a hold of mom's mastercard....

Current mood: bitchy

Current music: Ben Harper - Oppression

10:55PM - The beginnings of the best goddamn speech in history...let's hope.

So, let me know what you think - This is all I have so far, and I need your opinion, is it:
a. cheesy
b. overly descriptive and flowery

Current mood: accomplished

7:51PM - Strange days

It's really weird, this feeling that I know everything is going to change. This feeling that nothing will follow me where I travel to, that the only things I have to remind of this former "life" is the occasional conversation with friends and some pictures on my wall.
It's somewhat of a relief, particularly because I find myself growing tired of not knowing who I really am or if I should be wasting my time with the people around me.
But the thing that bothers me the most is when I make decisions and then I'm lead to doubt them. I made a decision, and although I am still about 99% positive it was the right one, I'm reminded of all the good times we've had, like one of those stupid movie montages. It's too hard for me right now, and I'm glad I don't know your phone number because I'd be calling and asking for you back - a move I would most certainly regret.
So for now I allow myself to listen to this song. I allow myself the comfort of knowing I made the right decision, and I can listen to this nostagically while we start our new lives.

Remember when we danced in my driveway? I liked that.

If your not the one then why does my soulf feel glad today
If your not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way
If you are not mine then why does your heart my calls
If you you are not mine would i have the strength to stand at all
I dont know what the future brings,but i know your here with me now
We'll make it through and i hope you are the one i share my life with

(chorus) I dont wanna run away but i cant take it i dont understand
If i'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that i am
Is there anyway that i can stay in your arms

If i dont need you then why am i crying on my bed
If i dont need you then why does your name resound in my head
If your not for me then why does this distance name my life
If your not for me then why do i dream of you as my wife
I dont know why your so far away but i know this much is true
We'll make it through and i hope you are the one i share my life with
And i wish that you could be the one i die with
And i pray that your the one i build my home with I hope i love you all my life
[chorus]
Couse i miss you body and soul so stroung that it takes my breath away
And i breath you into my heart and i pray for the strenghth to stand today
Couse i love you weither its wrong or right and though i cant be with you tonight
And though my heart is by your side
[chorus]

Current mood: confused

Current music: David Beddingfield - If you're not the one

7:53PM - Hey I haven't posted since May!

Current mood: confused

Current music: Ian and Co. jamming in the garage

12:36AM

How am I supposed to know what to do with you?
Is there something wrong with us, because every time we speak you end up crying over me, how you want to spend time with me, how you don't want me to leave you.
Yeah, things get resolved and then we're happy, but then it happens all over again. I have nothing to say anymore, I've said it all before and you don't seem to get it.
Do you think I don't love you, is that what it is? Are you afraid of next year? If so, understand that moping over me now is not helping your case, it's not making me want to be around you and stay with you when we go away. You want to be around me all the time, but can you even comprehend....this....madness? This absolute insanity that occurs during a simple phone call? YOU GET PISSED OFF AT ME FOR WANTING TO BE WITH MY FRIENDS....when I haven't seen them for more than 10 min in over a week.
You're a sweetheart, yet somehow I've never felt tears quite this hot before.

I love you, but I refuse to give up anything else for you.

12:20AM - ........

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH grrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr fuck.
harumph.

Current mood: moody

Current music: fuckfuck

5:02PM - it figures that my first post in about 2 months is not a real post at all!

Which Stupid Stereotype Are You?

this quiz was made by Erin

What month should you have been born in?

this quiz was made by Erin

Current mood: bored

1:50PM - Look at me, I'm posting!

I had a good day yesterday. A really good day, possibly the best Valentines day ever, even though it's a stupid money making holiday. Plus, I did really well on a quiz or two and I just had FUN. I haven't felt happy in a while, and wow it feels nice. I'm going to try for it more often For now, a nice little survey ....I omitted the first question because I have not seen 10 bands live.

[9 Things you're looking forward to ]
1. getting out of here and away from the assholes
2. March Break
3. Girls night next friday
4. Working at Orono in the summer
5. Going to the gym today
6. Getting my homework done
7. My parents leaving for Banff TOMORROW! I get dad's cellphone and a bunch of "emergency" money and food and a house and a big bed to myself.
8. Seeing the fun boy from my chem class when I "randomly" make a stop at Payless shoes where he just happens to work. I like to be flirted with.
9. Kissing Jason

[08 Things You Wear Daily]
1. undies
2. bra
3. socks
4. pants
5. a tank top
6. a shirt
7. earrings
8. necklace

[7 Things That Piss You Off]
1. Asshole friends who don't act like friends. Yet I still look forward to our girls nights.
2. That I still look forward to our girls nights
3. The way I act as if everything's peachy when my asshole friends are around
4. My mom's lack of reasoning for everything
5. My dirty car
6. Sleeping in a messed up bed
7. That I want to be a vet but I'm allergic to animals

[06 Things You Touch Every Day]
1. car keys
2. A CD of some sort
3. my face/hair....bascially myself!
4. Jason
5. paper
6. books

[05 Things You Do Every Day]
1. smile
2. cry
3. eat
4. think, sometimes too hard
5. reminisce longingly

[04 People You'd Want to Spend More Time or Hang out With]
1. my asshole friends
2. me
3. fun boy from chem class and his hot friend who is also fun and is always talking to me
4. Mike Hossack

[03 Movies You Could Watch Over and Over]
1. Forrest Gump
2. 10 things I hate about you
3. ferris bueller's day off

[02 Of Your Favorite Songs At This Moment]
1. Justin Timberlake - Cry me a river (yah so what, it's great)
2. Led Zeppelin - Trampled Under Foot

[01 Person You Could Spend the Rest of Your Life With]
1. I'd like to say Jason but sometimes that scares me

Current mood: cranky

Current music: baby got back

10:38AM - weeeeee

I'm a generally unfuckwitted, liberal, not-too-generous, not-too-selfish, relatively well adjusted human being!
See how compatible you are with me!
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

9:42AM - LOL

This was good for a laugh....I had to post it!

YOU HAVE BREAST IMPLANTS!!!


what's YOUR deepest secret?
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Current mood: awake

11:04PM

Leslie:

Since I have a few days off school between semesters, and I haven't spoken to you forever and all this LJ emotional hubbub makes me super-curious, I am calling you tomorrow. Be prepared. I will call. When you get home from school, expect me to be waiting on the other line.

Current mood: cheerful

Current music: none

5:45PM - hi.

oooooooooooo a new LJ desktop format ...I like! It makes things so much fancier. But perhaps fancy isn't always better.

So, this is the time of year I envy you unsemestered bums, I have exams starting this week and (surprise surprise) I haven't started studying yet.
Stupid teachers decided to give tests today - one in math, one in bio, and they were done quite half-assedly! 86% on the bio, which made me mad because it was the easiest unit ever. Math ...let's not even go there, the general concensus was that it was TERRIBLE. Even genius kid Billy Ballik had problems.
So yah, besides that, got my english ISU back and managed a 95 on a crappy essay and a 98 on a Great Expectations test. So I suppose the day went alright! I still haven't seen you guys since before Christmas!
C'mon girls, let's get our rears in gear and organize something! I'm thinking two weekends from now, when my exams are over? I'll be in touch.
That's my post for this month (hhaahah it's probably true, I laugh.)

Current mood: geeky

Current music: Maren Ord - Waiting

7:40PM - It's alive...I'm alive!

Weeeeeeeee It's Christmastime!
That opening note is a striking contradiction as compared with my current mood. It's stinky because I'm usually excited to the point of illness, but this year all I can think of is relaxing and sleeping and watching endless hours of television dramas and my joy that the friggin hell we call school is temporarily OVER!
Anyway, now that I have some time on my hands, I'm going to (perhaps, if I don't get bored halfway through) make an actual post!!!
How fancy is that?
Are there ants in your pants?
Are you rarin' to go?
Here she is...
So, I went to Leslie's damn special Christmas party, the party where we celebrated Christ in all his glory and holiness. HAH! Right. I must say, it was an experience and a half, seeing all those sexually charged people interact with one another, dirty dance, undo bras, play twister, play "I've never" etc.
What was to be learned from that night? Hm, that my previously established friendships continue to kick some ass even after all these years, and that new aquaintances are FUN and NUTSO! Also, that on the surface I appear to be quite the dirty whore, and I'm sorry if I offended anyone or anyone thinks less of me for info shared. Further, Leslie gives amazing presents and throws most excellent parties that will go down in history. I think they should be titled, documented, and filed. They're that much fun.
I am currently wearing a pair of neato socks that say "ZAP!" and I had a bath yesterday in moonflower suds and I have already washed a certain Campus Crew shirt that needed washing after its crazy breaking-in on Friday night.
I've worked three days in a row, and I'm really enjoying it because it breaks up my day, even if I'm only working 1.5 hours. Still, 9 hours over these 3 days equates to $104, so I'm not complaining!
I worked today with the most fun people EVERRRRR! There was this little group of adolescent male hellians and we had one great time yelling at those badasses and kicking them out of the pool. I mean, honestly, how many times can you expect to dunk someone in the deep end, stand on the mats, twirl on the slide, and whip balls at each other's heads before you get kicked out? Glorious was the moment they left the pool altogether.
Then Robin and I shared a special Christmas moment when we told two little pisspots to stop peeling the christmas stickers off the windows. Lisa and I gossiped about our head guard's hangover, then prayed for baby jesus. Brian and I stole some popcorn from somebody's drawer then exchanged our inner thoughts regarding how the christmas spirit should be spread throughout the entire year. It was touching.
And in case you didn't notice, that last paragraph was dripping with sarcasm.
Moving on....
plans for tonight helping dad wrap a bunch of presents and watching more TV DRAMAS! wooo can't get enough of them!
plans for tomorrow helping Jason research the colleges he wants to go to, exchanging presents between families (i.e. his parents to me and my parents to him), then eating a dinner of all these special finger foods mom makes and going to see Lord of the Rings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOOORAAAAAYY
I'm sort of excited now...but not quite.

Oh and Leslie, we will talk about getting together after Christmas to drive around and look at all our new stuff! I sounds like ultimate fun to me!
Merry Christmas Everyone!

Current mood: calm

Current music: Frasier Crane's annoying voice

8:09PM - I laugh at me (since nobody else does)

You know, it's funny.....I barely even use the computer anymore, and when I do it's for either a quick communication or typing up a project. So Livejournal isn't exactly suited for my needs. However, I will continue with the account despite my lack of updating, simply because I love to read about other people's lives.
Hooorayy!

Current mood: amused

Current music: none

3:54PM - And I'm back from the dead

So I came on the computer after school today, opened up msn to find that I have approximately 27 e-mails in my inbox. So of course, my automatic reaction is "holy shit!" Then I open them to find out that I HAVEN'T BEEN ON THE INTERNET IN A FULL WEEK! Yes, one week. That makes me glad because I've really been strapping myself down and concentrating on my work because as much as I want to sleep and fail everything and make a whopping $11.57 my whole life, I realize how much I want to succeed and beat the asses of people like Brenna Ammons.
Sooo anyway, things are crazy- I have a big bio isu, an english isu, math test tomorrow....I should go. Plus I'm going running for the 3rd time in the past 6 days - HOORRRAY I'm beginning to love it. (PS Shera - strap on three bras and things hold together nicely)
tah tah for now!
Oh yah and leslie...I saw your post about me coming over saturday night and GODDAMNIT why didn't you call me? I stayed in till 9:30 to do hw, then went over to a friend's till 11, but I would have made allowances for you! goodness me.

Current mood: accomplished

Current music: no time no time!

11:58AM - BAHhhahaha

What's your brand of sexy?
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Languid-Sexy.... You rock the messy hair and crisp white cotton sheet. Your idea of bliss is a day spent in bed with your lover. There is nothing wrong with that, though some people like to leave the bed at times. You're a total fox, even if you are a hedonistic bum.

Which Sex and the City Vixen Best Matches Your Sex Style?





What's *Your* Sex Sign?

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Hmmm today is a really odd day. I realize how little I know about what I want to do with my life. All I know for sure right now is this:
I want a house, to be married, have lots of kids and puppies. But that's so damn general it scares me. I don't want to sort out the details yet - I'm still prancing around, having fun as a teen!
This crazy guy icon suits my mood right now - BAGHHHH fuck it all to hell!

Current mood: confused

Current music: dashboard - this ruined puzzle

9:03PM - God I hate this woman.

Your Inner Blonde is Tori Spelling

Skanky, wild, and a total daddy's ho.


Things are looking up for you as you've left your plastic 90210 days behind.


But honey, you look horrible as a brunette.



Who's *Your* Inner Dumb Blonde? Click Here to Find Out!

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8:18PM - hahah that's right!

You Are A Romantic Kisser!

You'll only kiss if the mood is right and if you think you are falling in love.

Some may say you're old fashioned, but when you kiss, you see stars!

One kiss from you, and anyone will be hooked forever.



How Do *You* Kiss?

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